The Weight of Perfection: Grand Harbor - Book Three Read online

  “Thanks for the pep talk, Soph, but come on,” I argued. “There are cheaters like Nathan. Guys who forget to call. Guys who don’t do anything nice for you on your birthday… But my boyfriend is literally a bank robber! Only an insane, naïve girl doesn’t see that coming.”

  “You couldn’t have known, Lex,” Olivia commiserated.

  “No? My brother literally said, Hey, your boyfriend’s a bank robber, you should stop seeing him, and I shunned him. I was so love-struck that I completely dismissed it. Who does that? Me. I’d say that’s a pretty big flaw on my part.” My phone chimed for the twelfth time. “Speaking of bank robbers…”

  “That’s him?” they both chimed in unison.

  “Of course it is. And yes, all of these texts from him are sweet and full of concern like nothing could possibly be wrong.”

  “Wait…” Sophia paused. “He doesn’t know?”

  “Of course he knows he’s a bank robber,” Olivia shot back.

  “No, that’s not what I mean,” Sophia clarified. “He doesn’t know that you know about it, right? He doesn’t know you’ve figured it out?”

  I flashed my phone screen at her with his latest text – including a picture of us lying in the back of his truck under the stars, as if we were still that happily, blissfully in sync.

  “Ah, I see what you’re saying,” Olivia said excitedly, sitting straight up in the lounger. She flicked the water off her fingers, reaching for another spoonful of brownie batter. “We can still screw with him. He doesn’t know you know. This is perfect.”

  “This is perfect? What? Nothing is perfect. My life is spiraling down at an impressive speed, and you think there’s something good about this situation?” They were missing the point. This was all a complete disaster, no matter how you looked at it.

  “No, Olivia’s right,” Sophia agreed, getting the same crazy look in her eyes. “We need to make him suffer while we still can.”

  “Now I’ve lost both of you,” I said with a laugh, splashing water at them.

  “Don’t you want revenge?” Olivia asked with a shrug, as if that was the obvious response to all of this.

  “Honestly, no. I want things to go back to the way they were at seven o’clock this morning. That’s what I really want. But it can’t happen, so what’s the point of doing anything with this?”

  “The money,” Olivia said with a nod, looking deep in thought. “Somewhere there has to be a boatload of money from this, right?”

  “Oooh, that’s great,” Sophia added. “We need to get all of that money back without them knowing. We can donate it all anonymously to an amazing charity. It could help someone. Something good can come from all of this.”

  “Vigilante justice,” Olivia said excitedly. “I love that!”

  “You guys are insane. It’s stolen money! It needs to be turned back over to the bank!” I threw my hands up in the air.

  “She’s not wrong,” Sophia admitted. “But I still like our idea better.” She said it directly to Olivia, as if I wasn’t sitting right next to them.

  “What’s the alternative, Lex? Turn them into the police and wash your hands of it?” Olivia looked at me curiously, genuinely wanting an answer. “Won’t you get in trouble too?”

  “Wait, you think they’ll investigate me if I turn them in? Could I be fired? Is anyone going to believe it’s all a coincidence that my boyfriend just so happened to be the guy who robbed my establishment? I can’t believe this. I never thought about that. Turning him in is going to ruin me just the same, even though I did nothing wrong – other than trusting the jerk, obviously. How could he do this to me?” The entire thing was too big to wrap my mind around. It hadn’t occurred to me that by turning them in, I would be way more involved than I wanted to be, even though I was completely innocent.

  I reached for my phone, not overly surprised to see another missed text from Luke.

  I’ll stop bugging you for tonight, hopefully you’re getting some rest. I hope I get to see you tomorrow.

  I cleared the screen, deciding to text my brother instead. I felt awful about the way I left him earlier.

  You were right – about everything. When can you pick up your money? I need everything bad out of my life.

  This was the reason I was a good person – not because I was inherently superior to anyone else, or because my moral compass was better than anyone else’s – but because bad choices were exhausting. I hated secrets. I hated lies. I hated Luke Beckett. I needed to rid myself of all of it.

  A minute later, my brother responded to my text. How did you find out? What exactly do you know?

  I couldn’t respond to him through text. It was too incriminating. I hated that I didn’t do anything wrong, yet I was feeling insanely guilty anyway, as if I could’ve prevented all of it from happening somehow.

  I replied to his text. Just know you were right about all of it. Can we meet up tomorrow? I waited a few minutes for his response, but he didn’t send one.

  “This is nice, right? Just the three of us, relaxing in the hot tub with wine and sugar,” Olivia said, leaning back into her seat.

  “Nice? I’m in full crisis mode. I feel like my head is going to explode.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She sat back up. “I mean we have us. At the end of the day, that matters. We’ll get through this, Lex. We always do – together. Boys come and go, but the three of us? We can get through anything together, I’m certain of that. We’ll put you back together, piece by piece. Luke Beckett will not be the last man you ever love, Lex.”

  “But I want him to be.” I sighed, feeling worse about the entire thing. The more I thought about Luke and all of our time together – all of those sweet, simple moments where we connected – I really did think we had something amazing. Beautiful. Perfect. But he was right – Luke said himself that perfection was a trap. I wondered if he was referring to this exact situation, knowing nothing about us was what it seemed. It was as if I fell into quicksand. Who was going to pull me out now?

  “I’m heading in,” I said sadly, standing up out of the water. I grabbed a towel from a hook on the side wall and climbed out of the tub, drying all of the warm water beads off of my skin. “If anyone is looking for me, tell them I’ve disappeared.”

  Chapter 17

  The next morning, I awoke to my phone alarm ringing at seven. I turned it off, stretched, then quietly crept out of Olivia’s condo so I wouldn’t wake anyone up.

  I originally planned to call off work – just for another day or two until I sorted out my life – but after some time to think about it and a good night’s sleep, I decided that heading into work was exactly what I needed to do. I needed to get back to my normal life – the one I had before Luke. That was the only way I was going to move forward.

  Thankfully Miles had gone to pick up my car from Cliff’s house the night before. That was a huge relief, and I was so grateful he thought to do that. I made the short drive over to my apartment, quickly slipping into my blue polo shirt and a skirt. I washed my face, reapplied my makeup, and threw my hair into a loose bun. I pulled into the bank’s parking lot several minutes before my eight o’clock shift.

  “Back in my office,” Rhonda ordered as soon as I’d made it through the back door. I followed her in. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. Really, I am.” I sounded confident as I said it. It was true. My personal life was a mess, sure, but professionally – I had an eerie sense of calm walking into the bank this morning. Last week I imagined my return would be somewhat uncomfortable, but now that I knew who the robbers were – I wasn’t scared anymore. They’d be fools to ever come back a second time, so ironically I felt safer now than I had any other day previously.

  “Corporate told me you cancelled your counseling sessions.” Rhonda leaned forward, setting her arms on her pine desk.

  “They didn’t seem necessary,” I stated. “I was shaken up after the event, yes, but the time off helped. Rehashing everything we’ve bee
n trained here, I know it’s always a risk. I followed all instructions, emptying the drawers, including the dye packs… It was routine, like we’d been through in drills. No surprises. No one was hurt.”

  Except me, given my heart was now shattered in a thousand pieces – but I didn’t think that was Rhonda’s business.

  “All the training in the world doesn’t prepare you for the reality of that situation. I know that first hand because I’ve been through it myself. I’ll never admit this out loud to anyone else, but the first time it happened to me, I soiled myself. I literally peed all over my khakis, that’s how scared I was. I thought I was fine afterward, but as soon as I was back at my drawer a few days later, starring at those refilled stacks of money – that’s when it really hits you. Or when you’re triggered by a customer walking in wearing dark clothing – it happens. Whatever the case, I’m fine with you returning to work, Lord knows we need you around here – I can’t deal with knucklehead Michelle from the Charger Bay branch anymore. But you have to tell me if you’re experiencing any issues or problems during your shift. Deal?”

  “Promise.” I offered her a quick, reassuring smile. “Am I in the front or the back today?”

  “Drive-thru. All week until I’m 100% sure you’re all right.” She waved me out.

  “Thank you, Rhonda.”

  “Open chain of communication,” she reminded me as I stepped out of her office. I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn’t see it.

  The morning passed by quickly. Mondays were relatively busy, mostly with local business traffic. Rhonda was right – as comfortable as I’d felt when I arrived, the sight of my open drawer gave me a pit in my stomach. The stacks of money made me feel uneasy, wondering if another time would come where I would be forced to drop them into another thief’s bag.

  Maybe it would be helpful next time if you weren’t dating said thief.

  I ate my lunch in the tiny yellow break room, scrolling through my phone.

  How are you feeling today? Up for some company later? Luke was still trying to communicate. I hated that. I was going to have to deal with it at some point.

  There were several missed texts from Olivia as well. Where are you? Tell me you didn’t go into work today?

  I had to at least write her back. I didn’t want her worrying about me.

  Left early, didn’t want to wake you or Miles. Yes, I’m at work – it actually feels kind of therapeutic. I’m FINE. Promise. Will text you later.

  I went back through the long text thread from Luke over the past eighteen hours. He sounded like he was genuinely concerned. He reacted exactly as I’d want a man to react to my sudden illness – with love, humor, and a desire to make everything better. He seemed oblivious to the fact that he’d caused this catastrophic turn of events. How was I going to bring it up? Hey, it’s been cool hanging out with you, but I’m not really into felons. I thought back to our first date, when he swore to me he wasn’t a felon at all. Perhaps he wasn’t at the time. Maybe he never lied about that. After all, I guess you weren’t actually labeled a felon until you were caught, right? But whatever brought him to this point now, it was more than I could handle.

  I was aware I couldn’t ignore him forever. No doubt he would continue to call and text until he could reach me. If I never answered, I imagined he would show up out of the blue at some point, at my apartment – or worse, at work. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I didn’t want any more ties from him to my job. I needed to handle this somewhere else, and on my own terms.

  After giving it some thought, I finally responded to his last text.

  Feeling a bit better. I was hoping we could meet up tonight, actually. Heston’s Pier? Around 6pm?

  I had a plan. Part of me wanted to talk out my idea with Olivia and Sophia, but I figured that was pointless. They probably wouldn’t agree with the way I wanted to handle things, but it was what it was. I needed to handle this my way in order to be able to truly move on from Luke Beckett. I needed him out of my life as soon as possible, so I could start the process of forgetting about him for good.

  Was that even possible? I wondered if I could ever truly forget what we’d experienced together. Some part of me would always use him to measure up other guys I dated, right? When things were good, they were really good. I couldn’t imagine thoughts of him not creeping into every relationship I had moving forward.

  My phone chimed with his reply. You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you. So glad you’re already feeling better, that was fast. I’ll come pick you up tonight at 6. Can’t wait.

  That wasn’t going to work – I definitely needed my own car, because I knew we wouldn’t be leaving together. I replied with the first lie I could think of. I have a late staff meeting tonight, so I’ll have to meet you at the pier after work. See you at 6. It was a little white lie, and I almost felt bad for it for a second – but that lie was so much smaller than the one I planned to tell him later, so it felt justified.

  I finished out my work shift, reiterating to Rhonda at least thirty more times that I was, in fact, fine, and then I finally pulled out of the bank’s parking lot shortly after five. I raced into my apartment, fixing my hair and face, and then stood in front of my closet for an agonizing ten minutes, trying to figure out what to wear.

  What was the right kind of vibe for tonight? What would sell my lie the best? Something casual - possibly a little disheveled? Something pretty and alluring just to piss him off? After trying on at least twenty different combinations I gave up, settling on a blue cotton sundress that felt somewhere in between. I slipped on some gold sandals and then headed out, making the drive over to Heston’s Pier. It was a perfect, public spot right near a quaint little boardwalk area surrounded by antique shops, cafes, and ice cream stands. The location was deliberate. There were always tourists passing through, walking up and down the strip, and police officers everywhere on bicycles to keep the peace. A crowded area meant this could be executed without making a scene – which was exactly what I needed.

  I was a few minutes early, which gave me a moment to gather myself.

  This is the best way, Lex. You can do this. Stick to the plan. I hated how much guilt coursed through my body at the moment. None of this was my fault, yet my palms were sweating at the mere thought of having to lie to someone I cared about. Someone I used to care about. I had to keep reminding myself of that.

  After my internal pep talk, I climbed out of my car, heading down to a white bench next to the front of the pier. I sat down, certain Luke would be able to find me easily.

  Sure enough, within two minutes, I watched Luke stroll toward me from the parking lot. He was holding something in his hands, but I couldn’t decipher what it was.

  “I was so worried about you,” he said warmly as I stood up from the bench. He wrapped me into a tight hug, and although I didn’t pull away, I wondered if he sensed I was uneasy.

  “We need to talk about something.” My voice cracked as I motioned for him to sit down on the bench with me. He complied.

  “Here.” He handed me the cream colored envelope he had in his hands. “You’re never going to believe what this is. It’s an actual miracle – on paper. That clock meant so much to my grandpa that he actually wrote you a thank you note.” His lips curled and I hated the joy on his face. He had no idea what was coming. I have to get it over with.

  “We can’t see each other anymore,” I blurted out.

  “What?” The joy drained from his face.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to happen this way, but…”

  “Lexi,” he cut me off, “what’s going on with you? Did something happen yesterday?”

  “I just…yes, something did happen. And I feel horrible about it. I’m getting back together with my ex.”

  “No. That isn’t possible. That guy was an asshole. He cheated on you.”

  “I know,” I said softly. “We’re going to work through all that. A lot of it was a misunderstanding, really. He wants another chance.�
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  “And you think he deserves one?” I could hear the anger rising in his voice. “You don’t owe him that, Lexi. A guy like that – he doesn’t deserve you, and you know it. That doesn’t make sense. What’s really going on? There has to be more to it.”

  I stared back at him, trying to read his eyes. This wasn’t going as I’d planned. Maybe I needed to be more direct.

  “I cheated on you, Luke. I’m just as horrible as he is. I did it too. Maybe he and I are perfect for each other.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “I don’t believe you.”

  This was turning out all wrong. After telling him I was getting back together with my ex, I expected him to get mad and leave. Instead he was calling my bluff.

  “I clearly wasn’t ready to move on when I met you,” I explained, trying to sound convincing. After all, at the time, I truly wasn’t sure if I was over Nathan. “I wasn’t ready to jump back into another relationship. It all happened so fast, after meeting you, and…I just wasn’t ready for all of that.” He still stared back at me in disbelief. I felt like I needed to enhance the lie. “That’s why I felt sick yesterday. I knew what I’d done, and I didn’t want to own up to it. I didn’t want to tell you about it. He joined us for volleyball yesterday afternoon and one thing led to another…”

  “That’s BS, Lexi. Tell me the truth.” His eyes seared through mine as if he was reading me like his favorite book – one he knew too well to be force-fed an alternate ending. Dammit. He knew I was lying.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Luke. Whatever this was, I just can’t…”

  “Whatever this was? Lexi, we were happy yesterday. What happened? You won’t look me in the eyes, your hands are shaking… This isn’t you.”

  “How do you know? It hasn’t been all that long…”

  “I know because in this short amount of time, I’ve connected with you in a way I’ve never connected with anyone. Gah, that sounds so dumb and cliché, but you know what I mean. We’ve had real, meaningful conversations. We’ve talked endlessly about what moves us and what scares us and I feel like we’re the same in so many ways, Lex. I know you. This is not you. Something happened. You have to talk to me.”