The Weight of Perfection: Grand Harbor - Book Three Read online

  “What are they up to now? Is Kyle still in jail? What about the other one, is he okay?”

  “Probably.” He looked over at me, no doubt picking up on the fact that I wanted to know so much more. “Casey still lives in town. He’s the one who knocked up the cheerleader…”

  “Seriously? Your own brother? Wow, I can see how that’s a sore subject.”

  “Kyle is still in jail.”

  “That’s all terrible. So you’re the golden boy then?”

  “I’ve never been accused of that,” he said with a slight laugh. “But yeah, I guess comparatively, I’m better off.”

  “How’s your mom?”

  “Doing the best she can.”

  I stared back at him, admiring him for being the only one in his family who was doing all right, but saddened to think about the struggles he must go through in dealing with all of that. Families were an interesting beast – whether you had one or not, either scenario always seemed to carry some amount of baggage.

  “We don’t have to talk about all of that,” I said warmly, wanting to change the conversation.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so down about it. It’s not all doom and gloom. That’s why I brought you here, actually. This is my escape from the real world. When things go sideways I like to come up here. It makes me feel powerful or something, like I can extract myself from everything bad around me by coming up to this spot to look down on the rest of the universe.”

  “My best friend Olivia has a spot kind of like this too. It reminds me of this place in a way. It’s pretty here. Look, my hands finally stopped shaking - so that’s something. It feels peaceful here.”

  “Which is why I sit here a lot.” He smiled back at me, resting one of his hands on top of mine in my lap. “I actually got some good news today, so I planned to come up here anyway to celebrate by myself. Makes it a little better with you here.”

  “A little better? You’re so kind,” I teased.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He playfully squeezed my hand. “A couple weeks back I met with the hockey coach for Grand Harbor High. They’re hiring for an assistant coach, and I got called back for a second interview. Not exactly my big dream of playing in the NHL like I always thought, but I would at least find some fulfillment in that. Once my grandpa’s place is done, I don’t plan on staying here in Oak Shores anyway. It would give me an excuse to move into town closer to you. I mean, I wouldn’t take the job for that reason. Like to be closer to you or whatever. I didn’t mean it like that. Did it sound like that’s what I meant? I sound like a stalker. I’m just saying, it’s a nice option for me to get out of here, that’s all. Just a bonus that it’s closer.”

  “I understand what you’re saying.” I giggled. “I didn’t think we moved from pie to moving in together already. No worries. I know what you mean.”

  “My seventeen year old self was so smooth. I just want to point that out. I never imagined I would be so awkward around a pretty girl in my twenties. I’m rambling like an idiot.”

  “Yeah, can we go back to that? Speaking of pie the other night, you said something about not really dating that often. Yet here you are, mister homecoming king or whatever, and you don’t really date?”

  “Not formally.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “I’ve just never, you know, taken anything too seriously.”

  “So you’re the bar hook-up guy. Is that what you’re telling me?”

  “It sounds so bad when you say it like that, I mean I’m not really that guy. Not what you’re picturing right now.”

  “So because you asked me out in a bank and not a bar, I get the pie? I’m honored. I feel like I won a contest,” I joked.

  “This conversation is taking a bad turn.” He laughed, pulling me in closer to him on the tailgate. “That’s not at all what happened.”

  “Then I think you should give me some awkward, rambling explanation about what kind of guy you are.”

  “You’re the worst,” he said playfully, brushing a piece of hair back from my face. “Look, in all honesty, I’ve never admitted to being a great guy. I told you that from the beginning. On paper, I’m not a catch whatsoever. I live with an angry eighty-two year old man with wild ear hair, and I caulked a bathtub drain this morning. I get kicked out of concerts and I live in a town hell-bent on turning me into one of my douchebag brothers. My cat who hates me most of the time is blind in one eye, and I have twenty-seven more payments until my truck is paid off. I get it. I’m that idiot in a bar who doesn’t know how to actually flirt with an intelligent, beautiful girl, so I just never try or put any effort into it.”

  “Cue me, turning your life around,” I said in a mocking tone.

  “You’re the most normal thing to ever enter my life, I know that much.”

  “Yikes. Burn. Normal? You’re right, you’re really bad at flirting. No one wants to be called normal.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “I meant that in a good way.”

  “Because all the girls before me were crazy?”

  “A little. I mean, all girls are a little crazy. That’s, like, science and stuff. What I mean is, you are extremely put together. I’m not used to that, that’s all I’m saying. It’s refreshing. Even though it makes me question the hell out of what you’re doing with me, honestly. I can’t stop thinking about what I have to do to keep you around.”

  “What makes you think I’m going anywhere?”

  “I’m not that lucky.”

  “What does luck have anything to do with it?”

  “Well for starters, every time we’ve hung out, it’s fair to say it’s all been a course of bad luck, right? Getting escorted out of the concert by police? Remember that? Or perhaps our first date, when I took you to the same restaurant as your ex…That’s straight up bad luck right there – I could’ve taken you to a hundred other restaurants. And then remember that time this morning when I literally walked into your bank the second it was getting robbed? I can’t help but think the universe is trying to give you a sign that you should be running for the hills by now.”

  “Maybe it’s the opposite.” I shrugged, staring back at him. “That night at the concert you were my hero. Those guys were jackwagons and you put them in their place. It was…noble. And the ex thing? Any woman in the universe would be lucky to run into her cheating asshole ex while she’s with some giant hot muscular guy. I mean, I like you for your personality now, but I can’t say that’s what I was grateful for in those twenty seconds he was judging the hell out of you from across the restaurant. And the bank today…” I hesitated, getting a little choked up as I thought back to what had happened just an hour or so ago. “Honestly, being with you – it makes me feel safer. I feel like nothing bad could actually happen to me if you’re around. I would feel a lot worse if you weren’t there today. My throat was so tight and my hands and legs were so shaky, but when I stood up and locked eyes with you, somehow I felt…calm. Just because you were there. So honestly, I do feel lucky.”

  He wrapped one of his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest. “I hated how powerless I felt. If I could stop bad things from ever happening to you, I would. I swear I would.” He leaned in and kissed me tenderly.

  “I believe you,” I replied softly, kissing him back.

  “Nothing bad can touch us up here. Look, you stopped shaking.”

  My hands were calm against his arms. “It’s this spot. You were right, it’s peaceful here. I feel powerful, like nothing bad can find me here.”

  “When I was a kid, every time things were rough, I would ride my bike up here, no matter what time it was. I would stand up, towering over the entire town, shaking my fist like I would show them all someday. I still haven’t yet, but I’m working on it.”

  He kissed me again, and I felt lost in the softness of his touch. His hands were gentle, though his lips were commanding and intense. I liked being high above the city like this, as if we really were untouchable – as if
no trouble could find us here, so long as we were together. Beginnings always felt like that when you first started falling for someone – it was this unrelenting, powerful feeling that made you feel unstoppable, like you could get through anything, no matter what life threw at you. The worst part of new beginnings, however, was how time always interfered. For once, I wanted this all to be different. I wanted Luke to be different. I wanted my trust in someone to feel different. I wanted the outcome of us to be different than the disappointing ending I was always served after falling so hard. I wondered if that was ever, truly possible.

  *****

  “I really don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight,” he said softly as he parked his truck next to my car in the bank’s parking lot. I hated coming back here, but I didn’t want to leave it there overnight, and I certainly had no plans of ever coming back to this branch other than retrieving it.

  “I’ll be fine.” I tried sounding confident, but my voice cracked. I really did feel okay about it just minutes ago, but now that we were sitting in front of the bank as the sun sank lower, my hands felt shaky all over again.

  “Let me text my brother one more time to see if he can handle my grandpa’s medication,” Luke suggested, pulling out his phone again. He’d already left a message and sent a couple texts earlier.

  “Really, you don’t have to babysit me. My friend Sophia offered to come stay with me, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Once I’m in my own apartment, I think I’ll feel okay.”

  “You think you’ll feel okay? No way. I’m not comfortable with that. Look, I’ll follow you back to your place now, and I’ll keep trying my brother.”

  “You really don’t have to…”

  “I’ll follow you,” he repeated, pulling me in for one last kiss. He opened his side of the truck’s door, leading me out and into my own car. “Don’t lose me.”

  I never want to lose you the rest of my entire life.

  “You already know where I live,” I pointed out, appreciative of how protective he was acting now, even though it wasn’t necessary.

  We headed out and within twenty minutes, we were walking up to my apartment door.

  “I still can’t get a hold of my brother,” he explained with a frustrated tone. “I’m not sure what I should do.”

  “You don’t have to stay. Really. I feel fine.” I turned my key in the lock.

  “My grandfather has to take his medicine by nine. It’s important. Why isn’t Casey answering his phone? He’s the least dependable person I know.” He was really flustered by this point, and I could see the agitation on his face.

  “It’s okay, Luke. I swear. I’m all right. It’s been a long day. I’m going to take a shower and just go to bed anyway.”

  “What if I come back? I can go home, get him set up for the night, and then I can be right back here in less than an hour. It’ll still be light out, hopefully…”

  “Yeah, because bad things only happen when it’s dark out,” I replied sarcastically. “Stop worrying about it. I’ll probably be asleep before you’d even make it back. Maybe we can just get together at some point tomorrow?”

  “I’m coming back for you. Keep the door locked, go take a shower, and I’ll be back as soon as I can get here.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, and I loved how concerned he was.

  “You really don’t…”

  “I’m not leaving you alone tonight. Less than an hour.” He kissed me one more time, reminding me again to lock the door behind me.

  I called Sophia, letting her know I was okay, even though I’d texted both her and Oliva several times earlier. I reiterated I didn’t need her to stay with me tonight, and we agreed to meet up for lunch tomorrow.

  I took a long, hot shower, washing the stress of the day off of my skin. I tried to keep my mind away from any thoughts about the bank this morning. Luke was a great distraction - which made it hard for me to keep my mind off of everything while he wasn’t here.

  I towel-dried my long hair, throwing it into a loose bun and I rubbed a little concealer underneath my puffy eyes. I didn’t want to overdo it with makeup this late at night, but knowing Luke was coming back, I also didn’t want to look as terrible and haggard and exhausted as I felt.

  I threw on some comfy yoga pants and a cute tank, and before I could clean up my room real quick, there was a knock on my door. I checked the time on my phone, noticing only thirty minutes had passed since Luke left. Even if he drove way too fast, there was no way he could have made it to Oak Shores and back by now. Maybe he was able to reach his brother on the way and he was handling it?

  I walked over to my front door, feeling somewhat uneasy. The knock was forceful – too uncharacteristic for Luke? Although realistically, he’d only knocked on the door once before, so it’s not like I was used to a sound like that yet. We still barely knew each other.

  I squinted my right eye through the narrow peephole on the door - staring back at a man who definitely wasn’t Luke.

  Chapter 8

  “Seriously, Lexi, open the door!” He continued to pound on it.

  I unlocked the deadbolt, frustrated and annoyed all at once. “Cade, what are you doing here? It’s late. And why do you have sunglasses on? It’s almost dark out. You look like a psychopath.” There was still a faint orange glow in the distance as the sun slowly set, but by anyone’s standards, it was way too dark out for sunglasses.

  “I need a place to crash tonight,” he huffed as he walked past me into my apartment. He slid his sunglasses off and his eyes were completely bloodshot. He took off his black baseball hat, throwing it down on my couch. His dark brown thinning hair was matted down and he looked awful, as if he hadn’t showered in several days.

  “Cade, you can’t stay here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I said so. Because you’re high as a kite right now, look at you. And because the last time I helped you out, you stole four hundred dollars from me.”

  He reached into the inside pocket of his thin army green jacket, pulling out a wad of money. He grabbed a small chunk of bills and threw them on my coffee table.

  “There. Now we’re even. Quit harping on me.”

  “Where did you get that kind of money?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes it does, nimrod. With that kind of money, you can pay for your own place to stay. Where’d you get it?”

  “You’re not Mom. Stop badgering me.”

  “You’re right, I’m not Mom. You gave her a mental breakdown the last time you overdosed, and Lord knows what else you’ve put her through. Probably why you’re here instead of knocking on their door.”

  “I didn’t have enough money to get to South Carolina.”

  “Well you do now! So go. Get on a bus or something. You aren’t staying here.” I gestured toward the front door, expecting him to walk out of it, but instead he sat down on my couch. “Cade, I’m serious. You’re not staying here. You need to go.”

  “Lex, I’m family.”

  “Yeah, and you’re also a really bad person,” I sneered, trying not to lose my temper. “I’ve tried so many times to help you. So many times. And every time it got worse! I can’t help you, Cade. I’m not giving you money, and I’m not letting you stay here.”

  There was a soft knock on my door. I glanced down at my phone, realizing Luke had texted twice that he was on his way back and finally pulling into my apartment lot.

  “Ah, I get it. You don’t want me here because you have company. Well aren’t you quite the little sl…”

  “Get out!” I cut him off firmly.

  “For your boyfriend? You’re picking him over your own brother?”

  “He’s not even my boyfriend,” I stated, feeling flustered. “I mean, that’s none of your business. You have to go.” I walked over to the front door, flinging it open. Luke had a handsome smile and he looked sweet, standing there with some bags of take-out. As soon as he locked eyes with my brother, his expression c
hanged.

  “Luke, this is Cade, my brother. He was just leaving.” I gritted my teeth.

  It was awkwardly silent, and I could see my brother studying Luke. I couldn’t figure out his expression, and felt nervous for a moment. Cade looked at Luke suspiciously, like maybe he knew him, while Luke looked like he wanted to sucker punch Cade right in the face – kind of like he did to those guys at the concert when we’d first met. The whole thing was really uncomfortable, and I didn’t want it to escalate.

  “Goodnight, Cade,” I said sternly, trying to move him along. No one spoke. My brother put his hat back on, slid on his sunglasses, and brushed right past Luke in the doorway. I watched as he climbed on some rusted-out beat up moped. It took a few times for him to start it up, but a minute or so later, he sped out of my lot. Luke finally walked inside.

  “Sorry, I didn’t know he was coming by,” I began. “I didn’t know he was even back in town until just recently. We’d had a falling out a long time ago and I haven’t seen him for two years, but now he’s back, asking me for money…”

  “Is that why all these bills are spread out on the table?” He was staring down at all the twenties and hundreds Cade left behind. It looked like there was over eight hundred dollars laid out.

  “That’s money he was trying to give me.” I realized that made no sense to him, given that I just said he was asking me for money. “Never mind. I really don’t want to talk about it. It makes me sad and mad and I hate it. He’s my brother and deep down I love him, but I hate what he’s done to my family. I hate what he’s done to himself. Most of all I hate that I’ve tried so hard to fix him and I’ve never been able to.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I knew I had to stop talking about Cade before I ended up sobbing uncontrollably.